Have you fallen off your perch!

Somewhere to post the 'occasional joke' and an outlet for some of the light-hearted topics we sometimes get on here. Please keep all jokes clean!
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plook
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Joined: Mon May 30, 2005 9:17 am

Have you fallen off your perch!

Post by plook » Wed May 18, 2011 11:04 pm

Where is the old croud with their dry comments, Nell and Pete , Turnip Town,SkidderWolf, DF, et al. Come on you miserable toads get posting.

nell
Posts: 147
Joined: Wed May 01, 2002 12:00 am

Post by nell » Sat May 28, 2011 10:12 pm

My dry comments have been rather soggy of late as the house was flooded in December and is only just back to normal. Whilst water wall features and waterfalls are lovely they are not a good look on the stairs and in the hall .................. and my tassels suffered badly!!!

plook
Valued Member
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Joined: Mon May 30, 2005 9:17 am

Post by plook » Mon Jun 06, 2011 11:00 am

I'm sorry to here that your home was flooded it must terrible- hope your tassels get dried out soon!

DF
Posts: 206
Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2004 9:46 pm

Post by DF » Wed Oct 05, 2011 4:07 pm

Just been taking a Summer break from the computer. Back to Wind and rain, not the weather for gardening!! Hope these give you a chuckle:-


A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.

The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes.

The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes. The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.

The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes.

The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes.

But, the third Sunday, by mistake he put his wife's teeth in and couldn't shut up...

==========================================================


Four strangers were traveling together in the same compartment of a European train. Two men and two women faced each other. One woman was a very wealthy and sophisticated 70-year-old lady decked out in the finest furs and jewelry. Next to her sat a beautiful 19-year-old woman who looked like something right off the cover of a fashion magazine. Across from the older lady was a very mature-looking man in his mid-40s who was a highly decorated sergeant major in the army. And next to the sergeant major sat a young private fresh out of boot camp.

As these four strangers traveled, they chatted about trivial things until they entered an unlighted tunnel. There they sat in complete darkness and total silence until the sound of a distinct kiss broke the silence; following the kiss, a loud slap could be heard throughout the cabin.

In the ensuing period of silence, the four strangers sat quietly with their thoughts.

The older lady was thinking, "Isn't it wonderful that even in this permissive day and age, there are still young women who have a little self-respect and dignity?"

The young woman, shaking her head and greatly puzzled, asked herself, "Why in the world would any man in his right mind want to kiss an old fossil like that when I'm sitting here?"

The sergeant major, rubbing his sore face, was outraged that any woman could ever think that a man in his position would try to sneak a kiss in the dark.

And the private, grinning from ear to ear, was thinking, "What a crazy and mixed-up world this is when a private can kiss the back of his hand and then smack a sergeant major in the face and get away with it!"

plook
Valued Member
Posts: 1091
Joined: Mon May 30, 2005 9:17 am

Post by plook » Wed Oct 05, 2011 10:18 pm

A man walks into his doctor's office and sits down in the waiting room. While he is waiting his turn to be seen, a casual acquaintance walks in and sits down next to him. The newcomer asks "W w what are yyy you ddd doing here?" The man replies, " I am waiting to see the doctor." "W wwhy dd do yyy you wwant to sss see hhim?" The man replies, "Well, if you must know, I have a prostate problem. " A pp prostate ppp problem, wwhat's ttthat?" "Well, if you must know. I pee like you talk

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