Irish

Somewhere to post the 'occasional joke' and an outlet for some of the light-hearted topics we sometimes get on here. Please keep all jokes clean!
orinoco
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Oct 22, 2005 9:56 pm

Irish

Post by orinoco » Sun Sep 02, 2007 9:19 pm

Paddy and mick decide that they want to spice up their s** life, so they suggest to their wives about swapping partners. After a night of unbelievable s** paddy say`s to mick "i wonder how the girls got on"!!!!!!

littlewren
Posts: 75
Joined: Wed Apr 04, 2007 4:07 pm

Post by littlewren » Sun Sep 02, 2007 10:55 pm

This man met a beautiful fifty-something blonde woman down the pub.
After a good chat and a drink she asked him if he would like a mother and daughter threesome.
The man thought all his birthdays had come at once and readily agreed so they went back to her place.
Telling him to make himself comfortable she shouted up the stairs 'Mother, can you come down please....'

Little wren
Littlewren

plook
Valued Member
Posts: 1109
Joined: Mon May 30, 2005 9:17 am

Post by plook » Mon Sep 03, 2007 2:47 pm

An English man an Irish man and a Scots man were walking down the street when they cane across a pig with its head stuck in the railings.
The Irish man said I wish this was Sophia Loren.
The Scots man said I wish it Rachel Welsh
And the English man said I wish it was dark.

littlewren
Posts: 75
Joined: Wed Apr 04, 2007 4:07 pm

Post by littlewren » Thu Sep 06, 2007 8:03 am

A pregnant Irish lady is involved in an accident and falls into a coma.
A year later she awakens and asks about her baby. The doctor said you had twins, a boy and a girl, you're uncle Patrick has them with him.
'Oh no!' she says 'He's mad.... did he name them?'
'Yes' says the doctor, the girl is Denise.
'Oh, that's ok' said the woman, 'I like that. What's the boy called?'
'Denephew' said the doctor......


Little wren
Littlewren

plook
Valued Member
Posts: 1109
Joined: Mon May 30, 2005 9:17 am

Post by plook » Sat Sep 15, 2007 8:18 pm

Why are politicians like bananas?
When they first start out they are green but when they get into power they become yellow and bent.

When we were a kingdom we had a king
When we had a empire we had an emperor
Then we became a country and had Margaret Thatcher.

orinoco
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Oct 22, 2005 9:56 pm

Post by orinoco » Sun Nov 11, 2007 9:18 am

Paddy Say's to Mick "give me a hand with this jigsaw please, it's supposed to be a tiger", Mick replies "put the frosties back in the box you stupid b****r". !!!!



Two Irish council workers are digging holes and then filling them in again, a passer by Say's " i commend your commitment but what is the point", one of the workers replies "there is normally three of us, put the one who usually plants the trees is off sick today". !!!

DF
Posts: 205
Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2004 9:46 pm

Post by DF » Tue Dec 04, 2007 4:36 pm

An Oirish Story….

An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems....

'Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot'.

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.

'Incredible'he says, 'there is a £20 note lodged up here.'

Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a £10 pound note appears.

'This is amazing!'exclaims the Doctor. ''What do you want me to do?'

'Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man! 'shrieks the patient.

The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another and another, etc.....

Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.

'Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter. Just out of interest, how moch was in dare den?'

The Doctor counts the pile of cash and says '£1,990 exactly.'

'Ah, dat'd be roit,'' says the Irishman


.

.

'Ah knew Ah wasn't feeling two grand..'

orinoco
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Oct 22, 2005 9:56 pm

Post by orinoco » Sun Mar 09, 2008 4:08 pm

Irish man on death row, he has got a choice how to die. He can be shot, hung or have a lethal injection of Aids, just to cause a longer painful death.

The Irish mans says "i`ll have the injection of the aids thing, but make sure i get two shots just for good measure".

The warder administers the injection, then the Irish man rolls about on the floor laughing.

"Whats so funny", says the warder.

"i`m wearing a condom", replies the man.

orinoco
Posts: 95
Joined: Sat Oct 22, 2005 9:56 pm

Post by orinoco » Sun Apr 20, 2008 6:47 pm

Man goes rushing into job centre and shouts at the assistant, "i have been ringing 08001730 for two days now without reply", the assistant Say's "did you get that number from the door", man Say's "yes i did", assistant replies " that is the opening times you thick p**t.!!!!!

DF
Posts: 205
Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2004 9:46 pm

Post by DF » Sun Oct 26, 2008 4:30 pm

IRISH ECONOMICS

Young Paddy, moved to Roscommon and bought a Donkey from a farmer for
EUR100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day. The
next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the
donkey died.'

Paddy replied,
'Well,then just give me my money back.'

The farmer said,
'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'

Paddy said,
'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'

The farmer asked,
'What are ya gonna do with him?

Paddy said,
'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said,
'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'

Paddy said,
'Sure I can. Watch me.. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with
Paddy and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'
Paddy said,
'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two euro's a piece and made a
profit of EUR898.00.'

The farmer said,
'Didn't anyone complain?'

Paddy said,
'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two euro's back.'

Paddy now works for the Government!!!!!!

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